Low Ebbs and High tides

Yeah so we neglect this thing? What of it? What have you been habitually maintaining and updating lately? How's that working for you, you incredulous prick? Is it nice, yeah? Does it serve you well, yeah? I hope it fucking ruins you.

As it's April it is now the season of ire. You, the unnoticing public, are a murmuration of bastards, a gaggle of twats, a shrewdness of fuckwits, a battery of tits, a cluster of fucks, a caravan of cunts, a train of shits, a clutch of slags, an array of pissants, a hoard of whores, a cloud of urinary infections.

I feel empty now, expect an update in... who gives a shit? You're not paying attention.

Hey you!

Oi! People of 2009, stop fucking about and make this one interesting because the last one sucked!

Television is the new alcohol... and the next generation are T-Total

No longer do we waste our time drooling in front of the television from the moment we get home until the moment we drop off to sleep. Now we are more creative. And that results in being able to bring you the ability to shave a yeti.

I suggest if you have stumbleupon you avoid the channel: Society \ Bizarre/Oddities if you'd like to steer clear of the more interesting of these creativities. As somebody who constantly puts that filter on and just waltzes through the nightmare I can say with some authority that it is a slippery slope. Like a death slide. Or a day at the zoo.

The Interblab

There are some really messed up things on the Internet. Not an hour ago, I shaved a yeti to reveal rather fat man. All this craziness makes me wonder what people actually do in their spare time. They can't all be students messing around with images and writing blogs. Some of these things are really good but have no point to them (much like the film Burn After Reading).

This section of the Internet, that I like to call the Double You Tea Eff section, is full of utter bollocks and yet wonder. People spend their time doing this for no actual reason. It won't help in their life and it certainly won't help in their jobs or portfolios. I can only come up with one theory as to why the Double You Tea Eff section exists and that is due to people having trouble finishing the last sentence of their blog...

Angels

I am spectacular.

I am slim, amusing and articulate.

Nothing, not one single thing is wrong with me. I never have to deal with your small problems because I'm the solution to all the big problems. I'm never late because I never have to be anywhere. I'm the king baby.

Demons

Stop talking philisophically! This is to all those people who say that they're trapped in an invisble box of their mind shampooing themselves with their new lotion of self-loathing neediness and other such expressions.

To all of those people who say "I'm fat" - Fuck you!
To all of those people who say "Nobody loves me" - Fuck you!
To all of those people who say "I hate my life" - Fuck you!

I'm not ashamed to admit it, I used to be the same. What are you going to do when something actually happens to you that you never thought could happen and you realise that you've been wasting your time becoming addicted to your own emotions? You need to wake up. Wake the fuck up and smell the air. If it's the smell of coffee then you're wrong. If the smell of fire then you're too late and have set fire to your bed. If the smell is nothing, well done and welcome to your life. Now, hurry up you're late.

Getting our shit together

If you have stubbed your toe on this stone while wandering the internet and are not yet impressed that is because Charlie and myself are working it out.

We are not going to set the world on fire. However, our conversations between ourselves and with other friends (you know, those people that exist outside of that dirty coffee stained flat-screen monitor you only bought to watch H.D. porn on anyway) amuse us. So we are going to conduct one right here.

At some point you might get a glimmer of our genius. But for the most part you can disregard both Charlie's rambles and my own.